Dear Blue States

Someone sent me the following "dear red state" letter. In the spirit of promoting understanding I composed and sent back a "dear blue state" letter. Below is the first letter and my response. The level of ignorance in our culture sometimes astounds me, but education must always take an appropriate form or it will not be received.

Dear Red States:
If you had managed to steal this election too, we'd decided we would be leaving. We intended to form our own country, and we'd be taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split would have been beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly:

• You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
• You get Dollywood.
• We get Intel and Microsoft.
• You get WorldCom.
• We get Harvard.
• You get Ole' Miss.
• We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
• You get Alabama.
• We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay heir fair share.
• Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22%lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
• You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control
of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their
projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is
sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out,

Blue States

Dear Blue States,

We are so glad you are willing to split amicably.

Thanks to you, we get all the current cures from adult stem cell research, you get all the unrealistic promises of embryonic stem cell research along with the problems of tumor formation, with the added bonus that our women will not be forced to act as egg donation machines.

You get all the culture of death, we get to rest easy in our old age content in the knowledge that you will not be killing us off for our organs or simply because our care costs too much.

It is true that we will get all the disabled because we offer them the chance to live and participate in society, but we stand firm in the belief that they are worth every dime and effort.

We get Alaska and the Arctic Wildlife Refuge....drill, baby, drill!!

We won't have to worry about Iraq because Al-qaeda and the other terrorist freaks don't care about Alabama either. So don't expect us to defend your pacifist backsides.

You get most of the earthquakes and volcanos.

We get Glacier National Park and Yellowstone and all that great hunting. Plus the guns to get the job done.

And let's talk about that fresh water thing since we will also have the head of the Missouri, the Snake, Columbia and many the other rivers, not to mention most of the Ogallala aquifer. Seems like California will continue to have a fresh water problem.

We have the best geography for renewable energy sources and we're not afraid to use them, so keep your dirty coal!

You get to bail out the banks, auto industry, steel industry....have fun.

You get all the polluting industries. We get all the new biotech industries coming from the actual cures from adult stem cells, including custom grown body parts like tracheas. You get to kill embryos and chase promised future cures.

We LIKE religious people, we may even get more muslims, hindus, etc, since they don't like the culture of death either.

Without your nanny state interference mosquitoes won't be a problem because we will start using DDT again. Yahoo!

You get to keep Hollywood, thank you.

We get the bald eagle.

And finally, in spite of the fact that you keep calling us names, we still love you.

God Bless,
Red States